The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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