that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
We need to get me chipped asap
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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