DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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