I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
