break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
