I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
