I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
