Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
