so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize