I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
