The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
