the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
