Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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