I should be sponsored by Trojan
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize