"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize