Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
