I smell stomach acid.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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