Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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