the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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