u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
