Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
