Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
