i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
