I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
