Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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