WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
