dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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