I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone š
I really regret not asking ālike a cupcakeā when you asked me to eat your ass
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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