Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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