Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
