Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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