She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
