somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
