she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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