i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
