I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
