I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
