I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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