iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
