I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
