Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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