Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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