wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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