I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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