there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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