there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did I show you my penis last night?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i believe in u and ur pee
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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