Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
