i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Are my feet made of real feet?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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