a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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