I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
