Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
