Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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