Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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