Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
