nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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