OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
