Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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