Pregnant stripper...not hot.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
