my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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