As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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