thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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