I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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