take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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