having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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