Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
